Sisters - - ups and downs -nest of tables- swans in the park.

Hello blog.

sad to say I still feel drained tired below par.
I wonder how I will deal with either constant visits to Marie Curie or caring for John constantly when he gets home.

I felt quite ill when I came home from hospital yesterday-all the folk in John's ward-so ill- all the coughing and spluttering - crying out- bed wetting.I don't know how John copes- he seems very passive about it all- I guess after a month back in there -it has become his life now.
I cannot imagine keeping up the standard of care and the endless meals and snacks.

I feel quite desperate sometimes- trapped- with out a choice- I have to do this- till death us do part.

I feel in the midst of grief for the life we once had- which is long gone-yet in that state I need to adjust to the ever changing situation with John's condition and his needs.

My inner child feels sad- lost- uncared for - no fun in her life.Somehow I need to keep going-but I feel myself going down hill- I have lost weight- and look very pale.

John might get home this week- I think if I knew for sure I would feel more in control- I would have to face putting the chair lift in the bath and maybe the commode in the bath room.I hate all this stuff- just makes me feel queasy.

I loved my sisters visit - we chatted and ate a little ( in my case) and drank some wine. It did me good we shed a few tears and had some laughter- it was hard to see them go yesterday at Lime Street.

Jackie put a nest of tables together for me- she has such patience and that kind of mind I am very grateful.

I might get the coffee table to match- maybe Andrew could put it together for me.

I want to get the couch from IKEA the one that comes into a bed- that will give me a choice when John is home- I will need that.

Getting the energy together to do all this is the next challenge- I seem to be running out of steam now.

I enjoyed a walk in the park yesterday- went straight from the hospital to try to shake off the gestalt of that place.Nature helps- the late autumn colours- the ducks-geese-swans -cygnets- squirrels.

I watched the end of the fourth series of The Good Wife I really enjoy that programme- I have been going to Chicago every night - another world.

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well....................and so it is.