A Continuation of Reflections

Though we need to weep your loss, You dwell in that safe place in our hearts, Where no storm or might or pain can reach you. Your love was like the dawn Brightening over our lives Awakening beneath the dark A further adventure of colour. The sound of your voice Found for us A new music That brightened everything. Whatever you enfolded in your gaze Quickened in the joy of its being; You placed smiles like flowers On the altar of the heart. Your mind always sparkled With wonder at things. Though your days here were brief, Your spirit was live, awake, complete. We look towards each other no longer From the old distance of our names; Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath, As close to us as we are to ourselves. Though we cannot see you with outward eyes, We know our soul's gaze is upon your face, Smiling back at us from within everything To which we bring our best refinement. Let us not look for you only in memory, Where we would grow lonely without you. You would want us to find yo...

Thank goodness today has come and I got through it. I have been quite scared about getting the laser treatment, mostly because I have heard of people who have been blinded by it or there eyes got worse. However I did go and I was treated very kindly by all the staff I met at the hospital,the treatment was not as bad as I feared a bit uncomfortable but that is OK with me if I gain the benefit. I was instilled with confidence by the doctor who treated me. I went of a massage with Beth on Wednesday and that helped keep the stress levels down then I had another on today.Thank goodness for Beth a star. I with everyone who had to go to soul-less hospitals could have a lovely massage in a beautiful space right after. My sisters and friends have been immensely supportive and I really appreciate their emails and texts. Sandra and Matthew have had their own stresses. The buyers of dad's house have been a bit persnickety and demanding. Matthew gave them an ultimatum we had to have a firm off...

I did not sleep on Sunday night. It left me feeling a bit sad and vulnerable.I was surprised as it was a good day of ,rest,baking,park and evensong. Love that "Upstairs Downstairs" is back. I used to love that.Especially with Gordon Jackson. Monday I was very weepy,mostly due to tiredness,but I did miss dad so much.Would just love to see his lovely face and his amazing blue eyes and give him a hug. Johnny sent a picture of Andrew and Lucy with Archie.It really touched me.They looked great holding a little child.I wonder if they will ever have one? people ask me all the time."do you think A&L will have a child" I would like it for them if they want it.I like the idea of dad's genes my genes being carried on. Thankfully there are lots of Collins's to pass them on. The Artist's Way was really good last night which was a miracle as I was so tired all day struggling to plan it. I have two new clients one in Liverpool one in Chester. I had the most wonder...

Daffadowndilly She wore her yellow sun-bonnet, She wore her greenest gown; She turned to the south wind And curtsied up and down. She turned to the sunlight And shook her yellow head, And whispered to her neighbor, "Winter is dead"

Enjoyed seeing Patsy this week we caught up over a coffee at John Lewis. Spent most of Friday shopping and preparing for Lucy's Birthday meal with us. All her presents arrived in time. I enjoyed wrapping them all up and making them look nice for her. I enjoyed making the tabouli and the tomato and basil humus too. I love the tabouli myself. We all enjoyed the evening together and Lucy loved her gifts. Worth all the work that went into the evening.Andrew |looked really nice in his new sweater and Lucy looked lovely as she always does. They have gone off to London to continue the celebrations. Philip stayed till about 5 today and spent a lot of time working on John's net book .he was very patient and got it fixed in the end. I made soup for lunch and a cake for the 5 o'clock. Dad's house is sold now,this is quite a shock, it is strange to have such conflicting emotions. I feel so sad about the house going and feel happy that we got a good price for it.Dad would be plea...

We had a delightful day out in Liverpool today. Started with tea and scones in Walker Gallery.I was feeling very happy then I got a text from Sandra to say we had an offer in for the house.Felt happy then a real pang of loss. It took the wind out my sails. We walked around the Matisse drawings and I went to see my favourite picture "Confidences".Felt better then we headed to Fact and had a light lunch.We were given lovely chocolate pralines on our way into see the movie "Romantics Anonymous"We thoroughly enjoyed it.We finished our afternoon with tea and cupcakes at the Anglican Cathedral. We enjoyed our day out. It is surprising how stressful Valentine's day is for many single people. I have never felt that but I do remember the first time I went into a card shop after mum died and it was Mother's day.I had to leave.Not too happy about facing Father's day this year either. All those days have to be faced though. All in all a good day.

I feel light hearted today. We did indeed see the Muppets movie and it lifted my spirits. We have had a nice weekend together,had lunch out afternoon tea out, caught up on things, Our lovely young neighbours have responded to the clearing up work we had done in the back and front garden ,they are happy and although I did not get a receipt they are going to pay me :-) The bins have been moved round to the side of the house AT LAST :-) Such a difference for us as we looked out onto them. I think Rachel and Adam are going to make a difference they have energy for the house. They have done all I asked,moved bins and got us a whirligig.We now have better views out of all the windows. The lake in the park is still iced over and the trees are still skeletons,yet I have a sense of optimism,spring might not be too far away. I collected five different leaves and five different stones on my walk. The beauty of nature is everywhere if you take time to look. Right now I am appreciating my sight,mus...

Today I opened my emails to find 36 K is on the market. I was surprised at my reaction. I could not stop crying.Such a shock,even though I knew this was coming. It is a good advert and it had only been on the market two hours when Sandra got a call to say we have a viewing for Saturday at 11am. Of course my head tells me this is a good thing.My heart and my gut feel very different about it. As Jackie said today"it will be a blow when the house is no longer ours" indeed it will. Jackie has asked me to if I would be there on the morning of her wedding to help her get dressed. I feel really happy about this as I do not have a daughter to share a day like this with.I feel sad too that mum and dad will not share this day. I helped her pick is wedding flowers when I was there in January a treat for me.I suggested that although the theme of the wedding is Scottish that it might be good to have something to represent Geoff's English- ness .She agreed and there will be white rose...

I was very busy with the build up to Artist's Way course and gearing myself to go back to Chester this week. I used to text dad on my way to Chester and on my way home.he nearly always said "bloody lucky U" I miss dad some days more that others. Sunday night was very painful,like it had just happened .I really really wanted to see him. Why do we have to die anyway? Why are we born in the first place,is there a reason? is it chance? Two quotes impressed me as a child. " Keep right on to the end of the road,keep right on to the end "Though you are tired and weary ,still journey on,till you come to your final abode. Though the road be long,let your heart be strong, ....... Dad did that, the road was long,and his heart was strong.I do too. Since dad died.I am tired and weary, and I still journey on. The other one was "If I can help somebody on my way through life,then my living will not be in vain" I do that,always wanted to help folk,ease the pain.Sometim...

This is the end of my time off from work.I have benefited from it greatly .I have had time to experience my self,spend time with family and friends,recover a bit from the stress and grief of the last two years. Next week ,The Artist's Way starts.I start counselling in Chester again,and I have a new client there and in liverpool.I feel ready for all this,looking forward to it in fact. Susan still imagines what Gavin would say about the changes in the house if he walked up the path again. My heart aches for her.And I admire her enormously,she is moving on,working two days a week.Still goes to her book club,baby sitting group,does things with her grandchildren,above all does not let herself depend on he children.She is heading to South America in the summer.She has great courage. I tried to upload one picture to this blog , the swans in the park ,ended up uploading all the pictures that I took that day.Have not worked out it I can delete,but I will just leave them there now. Will as...