A Continuation of Reflections

Darling John I am home in Ullet Road after a very busy loving happy sad time away in Castlenel and Cambridge with all of our children their partners and grand children. It was wonderful to see and hug and kiss Philip once again...he is as handsome and filled with wonder as ever he was. He is enjoying Beijing and life as an Ex Pat I think he will be there for a while yet- some things might encourage him to move but if not he is OK. My worry is the pollution; he has had a close shave with Sarcoidosous (?)  he had a clean bill of health when he left here. I worry that the pollution will damage his lungs irrevocably ; I mentioned this to him,but of course no one believes bad things can happen to them.he has bought a mask, not the best one though. Castlenel looks well all the new things improve the kitchen.We decorated in for Christmas and it looked very festive very beautiful. So much of our history is over there in boxes and in memories. We lit the advent tree on Christmas...

Darling John I am leaving for Castalla to-day...I will miss you here..and miss you again in Castlenel. I am very excited about seeing Philip again...to actually see him and touch him and hug him....amazing. I have lots to look forward to over Christmas with dear Andrew and Lucy who have been towers of strength this year- seeing Philip- seeing the new thing sin Castlenel....and being a little family for a few days- with Phil there too. Then to spend time with all your dear children  their partners and the  grandchildren....I will be with them on the evening of 27th and the morning of 28th -your one year anniversary....I simply cannot believe that I have lived almost a year with out you my sweet love. I will tell you all about it when I am back in my sanctuary Ullet Road... I love you now -I loved you then -I love you always....my love is indeed like a red red rose newly sprung in June....as vibrant as ever it was. " so deep in love am I" Forever and always.......

Hello darling John as ever I miss you...and I have been busy. Enjoying the new Artist's Way group...I have had two half days with the group with a view to starting  our course of workshops on January 14th -a Thursday- and The Creative Cluster...the alumni are with me again on a Monday evening. I am seeing two clients still people who have been with me for years on and off since I came back to Liverpool. I supervise Brian which I enjoy. I did a three hour intro to inner child with one young woman last week...it was very successful but wow three hours one on one..all that concentration..I was wiped out after....to think I used to see six folk a day in Ireland. I love the work ..but need to keep the balance right as I get older I find it takes more out of me. I need to work too....for my soul...I like making a difference in people's lives- it is my gift and it is a privilege, I need to fill up the hole in my life since you left me....and work helps..just enough. ...

Hello darling John where are you...where are you...? I miss you so much I wish I could sleep through December and January....not something I have ever felt before...this season is all about joy joy happiness good will and I love all that  normally but it is in such sharp contrast to my sad lost lonely feelings inside. I often wonder what I need to get me through this....of course it is you my love. I feel I have done well- lived through this for eleven months.....surely I deserve the reward of seeing you again.....I dreamt about you last night....I could see you but I could not reach you and you looked sad there was a tear in your eyes.Was that projection on my part? probably was. I am going to the Metropolitan cathedral today to a service of light and remembrance it is run by Marie Curie.....I am going to remember and honour you my love..I hoped A&L would be with me....but they have other plans.....I was going to ask Liz or Maz or Celia and Brian...P&K but I wil...