A Continuation of Reflections

The Christmas Music is beautiful yet too painful to listen too.Just breakes me up. All the presents are wrapped ready to go to Salford and Glasgow.Susan's card and gift have gone, hopefully in time for 1/1/12.Marie's birthday card has gone and Steve's card and gift have gone too. Jackie is on the 8th so I have time to make a card for her in Glasgow.Been feeling a bit wobbly my tummy a bit upset but I am sure it is the upset rather that anything physical. We had drinks with our young neighbours the other night,it was a plesant interlude.I just feel uneasy with people right now. I fear my tearsand distress with frighten them off and sometimes I simply break down.I did with a client the other night,but I have been working with her for a good few years,so it was OK.She just asked how I was at the end of the session thank fully. I have been receiving lovely warm comforting emails from family and friends.It is a good things,even it it does bring a few tears. We opened our present...

this morning a friend posted on her facebook " we never lose the people we love,they live on in our hearts" I cried and cried.We do lose the ones we love.I would give anything to have my dad back in his chair at Kintillo,to see him sitting in the garden with his yellow cap on ,giving us a thumb's up and a big cheery grin. I do understand the concept, my grandparents who I adored do live on in my heart, as does my mum. But it is too soon to be able to take that on with dad.Mum we lost so many years ago to dementia,it felt like a blessed release. I went back to the eye hospital today to get the wonderful news that both eyes are at the right pressure :-) feel very relieved.Thank god for living in modern times.And god help all the people in the world who have no access to simple life /sight saving methods. I feel very grateful indeed.I will go abck in February for Laser treatment thenti see Dr Chaudra in four months.Hopefully all being well I will go every six month for a wh...

I went to the eye hospital on 12th December.It was a very tough day,three hours of tests and finally told I have Glaucoma in my left eye.I was/am totally shocked. My eyes have been blurring a bit, but I thought is was tiredness. I am being treated with tablets ,for a week,and drops for life. I will go back on 22/12 to see if the tablets have brought the pressure down. Fingers crossed. I am very uncomfortable with doctors looking in my eyes,I did not do too well as a patient.Although I got better as time went on.I am also a dab had at putting drops in my eyes now. I was a werck when I left,looked as white as a ghost and about 90.Andrew was coming round so i has a wash changed into my jeans out on some make up and felt a bit better.I told him all about it after we ate cakes and talked about Castalla and the Matt Collins window.He was very encouraging.I slet very well and went to work in Chester the following day and I was ok.Work helps. I had coffee with anita and got some of her childre...

Back for a week or so in Spain. We had beautiful weather for December ,even for Castalla! Frank was working away on the balcony and terrace while we were there,it was good to have it done but not so relaxing to have him coming in every morning.The work is beautiful though. One day ,Matthew's birthday in fact I had a day of grief for mum and dad. All the memories of his birth and the joy in Bank Street flooded back, It was quite painful. I felf physical pain and nauseous. I am glad I understand the grieving process or I would be quite worried about myself. It was interesting that on the last night of the Artist's Way I felf very upset. I came back from Dad's funeral and knew I had to get my head down and get this six week course as well as the three Saturday workshops done.When I came to the end of the work ,the pain came back in force. Same with last day in Castlenel.Coming back to real life with no dad.Sore. I still have the urge to contact him every day.Today I was listen...