A Continuation of Reflections

John has been told that he will live longer than we thought , thanks to great care and magical medicine! I guess no one really knows, and I wish they had never given us their idea of a time, it hangs over your head, makes mornings a bit scary, for me at least. I remember feeling a bit scared in the morning when I was staying with dad, and even when I was not there, being relieved when the first text was answered. Somehow night time is harder when there is sickness in your life. So onwards and upwards, maybe make some plans, I felt scared to look too far ahead on January 1st. I was worried that we would not get to London for the theatre, but wanted to risk the booking because having nice things to look forward to, is good for me , good for folk. Today we got some back dated benefits too, so all in all, a day to feel grateful, lots of things for my gratitude journal. Thank you to whoever is to be thanked, "the universe" "existence" " scientists...

Hello dear blog, John had his last full Tuesday at Marie Curie yesterday. He enjoyed it ,saw the doctor, who gave him a lot of encouragement,and reminded him he will always be their patient. He can choose to go from 12-3 on Tuesdays now, to Daffodil group,he will go under his own steam though. That is fine , a taxi each way once a week will be fine. We have the attendance budget now. We got a carer to take John to Lynda Mac Cartney this morning to have his bloods done, tomorrow he will go to see the oncologist, again with a carer. We have so many vouchers that we have not used , so we might as well use them up. I do not like going there, and I don't like the carers coming in in the mornings, I feel so very very tired at the minute, party January, partly stress, partly 18 months living with John in this new situation. I feel like running away some days, trying to keep cheerful, keep it together, is becoming more of an effort. I feel quite restricted, I do not have much ...

What a mixed time we had in Castlenel, so much joy so much appreciation of the old house and all we have done. Family fun with the new pizza oven. Neighbours and local people making a fuss of us ,just being there in lovley Castalla. Then our cleaning lady asked for a raise and all hell broke lose. I made the mistake of agreeing to it, a mere few euro a week, much more than we spend on a round of coffees. That got BP up in arms, not just that he disagreed with me, but such aggression, and a horrible destructive way of putting his point across. I also hear from him, I am unable to peel potatoes, load the dishwasher, I leave the taps running in the Jardin , which costs A FORTUNE, I asked if we could have the a/c on in his room to help boost the heat in LA, answer NO. I was shouted at because I stripped my bed and left MY room as I like to leave it went I leave Castlenel. He was very unkind about Sara, and my arrangements with her. He expects me to have magical powers to know wh...

John was back at Marie Curie to-day, he enjoyed the day, but he came home shattered. Which is fine as he can stay in bed as long as he likes here. I worry about when he goes to London, and we go to Castalla, will he cope with the tiredness of the travelling. He left his glasses there .I will go and collect them tomorrow. I have brought a bit of normality back to the house, took, virgin things to a pick up point, took lots of stuff to charity shop. Tidied drawers, wardrobe, desk, shelves and boxes in the hall. It feels better after the colour and busyness of the festive season. We are expecting the new printer in the next few days, I set the old one of fire on New years Eve.:-( I am about to order a blu ray player, still not sure about a mini ipad. Phone fixed, all I needed was a new charger, so now all my photo's are downloaded, so I am working away on flickr. I took the touch screen phone to the same shop on Smithdown Road, and he can replace the screen for £25, plus a...

Mixed Feelings I felt quite fearful as we approached the new year.Up until now our goals are a few weeks away, things planned were manageable. New year gives you 365 days to look forward to, I always wonder what the year hold. where will we all be next hogmonay? This year those questions frightened me. I made a very big effort to make this festive season special for both of us and it has been. The doctors are happy enough with John's health for now and encouraging John to visit London and Castalla. January will be busy for us this year with travel and family events. Other plans are in  February a trip to London with the boys, just one night at the theatre but I am really looking forward to spending 24 hours with them, travelling, the play " Twelve Angry Men" after a meal at Joe Allan's, and a night in a hotel, and the Sunday having breakfast and a look around Covent Garden. In March another weekend with the girls, and maybe John travelling to London Camb...