A Continuation of Reflections

I have been very tearful this last two days, really miss my pa, every time I say it is much easier, I feel like I get hit by a bus. I had very vivid images of dad, felt I could reach out and touch him,almost hear his voice and smell him. Alas no, of course. I felt inexplicably angry, everything annoyed me,nothing felt right was not comfortable in my own skin. Poor John, sorry to say I took it out on him, but he does understand thank goodness. So all in all a bad few days. I am calming down now.Saw my last client till July 4th.Thank goodness. I have felt very tired since the wedding. Since dad died, we have known we had that to look forward to.Now it is all over and it feels a bit flat. I am going to Glasgow on Glasgow fair Friday for a long weekend with Sandra,. Jackie Gary and Matthew have all made it clear that I can stay with them when I visit Glasgow. I think I will go once a quarter and stay with each of them once.I don't suppose I will do this forever but certainly the f...

Missed you on Father's day pa. I thought about you and talked about you,and it was a bit hard but not as bad as it has been. I heard from Sandra that there has been some interest in the "van" oh dear! Sandra and I have been planning a visit in July when I go up for a visit with her. Nothing concrete ,just some one that Jock thinks might come back this week for a wee "looksee" as you would say pa. I find I am using more of your saying pa,in fact I think we all are. You will never really be gone from our hearts. I am not sure what is next for me, we are thinking of moving to a bigger place and using Ullet road for work. I am thinking of renting an office and make Ullet more like home. I thought of renting a really big place maybe with A&L just for six months, they could rent out PPM and take time to find the place they would like to live , take it slowly instead of having to rush. I thought of moving to Manchester too as Philip and I once talked abo...

Yesterday I went into my bank account to see a large amount of money sitting there quite innocently! I have been waiting for this to happen for a good while ,now that it has happened, it feels quite normal. Connie Corry at the bank has been a star.She could not be more helpful and has kept in touch every step of the way,she knows I was nervous about it all. She even emailed me late on Friday saying that she had news the cheque was cleared and would be in my account Tuesday /Wednesday and said " enjoy the wedding" I love the Irish, we have accounts in Spain England too . In no other bank do we phone up to hear, "hello Helen how are you, and how is John" So we can draw a line under that part of our lives for now. When we come home from Folkestone and London,I will have had time to digest Connie's suggestions about what to do with the money,she has given us a lot of suggestions and we need time to digest them all. Jackie's wedding was wonderful,there was ...

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It was the 2nd anniversary of the death of my dear friend of 45 years .Gavin. I was in touch with Susan , Libby and young Gavin.They were all feeling the loss that day ,May 29th. Gavin said he still expects Gavin to walk into his house , expects to hear that familiar voice.  Libby still can't take it in. Susan is getting on with her life and has a wonderful holiday booked, but on the day. it was hard, the anniversary bring you back to the painful place. I don't think I really believe Gavin is gone. It is so hard if you were not there.I did not see him when he was ill and dying.I was not at his funeral.I think it will hit me next time I go to Sydney. The three of us were a great team ,we had great  holiday's together over the years.Gavin made us laugh he was immensely patient. he had the " Gavin bag" in which he carried all mine and Susan's "things." Passports sunglasses cameras. he never complained just did it willingly. He used to refer to S...