A Continuation of Reflections

GRACE The power of the word grace! When this word is spoken Attention is awoken, The atmosphere changes Becoming calm and serene. How powerful but yet stunning she be. Her name is majestic and Her presence is both alluring and inspiring.  She stands poised with elegance  With an air of finesse, Respect flowing from her footsteps.  She has captivated the inner me, How her reflection I desire to be, To walking in the shadow of her silhouette, How gracious  that would be.

Hello blog. sad to say I still feel drained tired below par. I wonder how I will deal with either constant visits to Marie Curie or caring for John constantly when he gets home. I felt quite ill when I came home from hospital yesterday-all the folk in John's ward-so ill- all the coughing and spluttering - crying out- bed wetting.I don't know how John copes- he seems very passive about it all- I guess after a month back in there -it has become his life now. I cannot imagine keeping up the standard of care and the endless meals and snacks. I feel quite desperate sometimes- trapped- with out a choice- I have to do this- till death us do part. I feel in the midst of grief for the life we once had- which is long gone-yet in that state I need to adjust to the ever changing situation with John's condition and his needs. My inner child feels sad- lost- uncared for - no fun in her life.Somehow I need to keep going-but I feel myself going down hill- I have lost weight- an...

Today John sent a text from Marie Curie to say he had seen a flash of lightening- I said I would watch out for it here in Ullet Road.We wakened up to howling gales and rain this morning I heard on the radio that it is the tail  end of a hurricane somewhere out there over the sea. I am expecting a parcel delivery from Cornwall to-day  organised by our dear nephew Robert-I am so touched by this. I hope it comes before I have to go out to the hospital.If not I am sure they will come again or leave a card. We got the news last week from Dr Edrington that John cannot have anymore treatment,they don't think it will help- so back to Marie Curie to help with pain relief In the first 24 hours I was in denial I thought I was well able for this news- I went to Manchester on Friday night and saw my son Philip in a vintage clothes fashion show- and it was fun. By Saturday night I had severe pains in my stomach- really bad- there was nothing I could do but wait for it to pass I stay...

I have been feeling very fragile this last few days- John has been in hospital since two weeks today. Since he went in it has been a roller coaster of business and emotions for me. Birthday weekend was fantastic- my boys and Lucy organised a great weekend for me with them and the Matthew Collins family. I felt the loss when they all left- but it was much worse when Andrew and Lucy left for their three week holiday-they are my close family support and have been through out everything. Quite quickly Phil started work on the bathroom so he was coming in every day and it is what I want but it was  still an upheaval for me. I ordered the dishwasher which comes on Friday and with good luck Phil will be here to fit it-then it is done ! I got the mirror and shower curtain they are up now - look great we have a few more things to get but it can take time now. I cancelled a few sessions- but I did have a long three hour meeting in Fact with M & M about plans for the Toolbox...