A Continuation of Reflections

Special thoughts with you today darling John, you loved the music of this season of hope and joy - I find it very moving listening to it without you- TT 💐

Hi John I'm am sitting in the Everyman - upstairs- smelling toast and coffee. It takes me back to the old Everyman cafe - the upstairs one where we often came for breakfast when we were not working - we had toasties which were toasted in the selephane wrap - which we thought was funny. I have been sad - I finally managed to get to the bank and take your lovely familiar name off the bank accounts - I feel that I am betraying you - somehow- I know you would laugh at me and reassure me - but that is how I have been feeling - I am glad it is done I feel quite proud of myself , a few months ago I did not imagine that I could ever do it. They were very kind to me . I have to do the same in Ireland but think it will all be done by post . I might ask Andrew to fill in the forms with me - it is less isolating having another human beings' presence when tackling tough things as I found out yesterday at the bank - Tracy even gave me a cup of tea- I don't think I have ever had a cup ...

Darling John I am missing you too much, it hurts, I tried to take your name off the bank accounts, the last thing I have to do and not been able to face. A few things went wrong so it is still not done but at least I have made a move in that direction. Fifteen months since you died, and 18th months since I have been on my own. I feel tired a lot of the time this last few weeks, everything s a struggle, Too much change, Anita gone too, I see Philip, and Tony too since he moved back, and I appreciate seeing them both, but it is not the same as Anita and Andrea. And no one can make up for your loss, this hole in the middle of me which I thought had healed up a little and of course it has, just some times I get thrown back to the edge of the abyss. Andrew and Lucy are in France, I miss them not being at PPM , even though I would not usually see them, I know they are there. David wanted to talk to me on Sunday but I was out with Rachel wedding dress shopping for her.Which was b...

Coincidence 1)Two events connected to each other by the thoughts and experience of a person Pay attention to coincidence ,coincidence was a messenger sent by truth. 2)Pay attention to the reactions of your body-it is the wisdom of the self speaking to you. Be aware of concern, of anticipation, of all the feelings that come to the self. They manifest in the body; what is their counsel? 3)I am what I am and what I am is wonderful. 4)To live at all is miracle enough"

I have seen two plays since I last wrote,Unsung at the Everyman, and the Herbal Garden at The Playhouse. Two very good very different plays, Unsung wrung me out, about slave ships in Liverpool. The Herbal Garden you would have loved all about Shakespeares daughter,We all enjoyed it very much. I am in touch with Philip and Nina they are doing Ok missing Anita but OK, I was at the Adler meeting last night, once again we talked of our memories about Anita and we all said one positive thing in our own lives. I am enjoying Artist's Way group and a new client who is learnrig all about Inner Child. I have promised myself to have a few things completed by Easter, including taking your name off the bank accounts, it is so hard, but if I don't do it , it will be another thing for the children to deal with when I am gone. I can't stand the thought of doing this, maybe because it is the last things that I have to do. I collected the picture that you drew in Callella de P...

March has arrived and with it winds and snow sleet and rain, the flowers too are here the crocuses Daffodils, and my snowdrops that I bought last year at Ness Gardens came up again this year, made me smile to see them. I hope so much that the fuchsia plants you bought for me will come again this year. I went to Dobbies with Brain and Celia yesterday to buy an apple tree in your memory . with a voucher for Dobbies that Liz and Phil bought me. The tree I want, I now know is called a family tree, will be in any day, it grows eating and cooking apples, I need a new pot too. all do -able within the budget which is lovely. I was very happy and touched to receive in the post yesterday two lovely cards, one is for Nick and Sophie's wedding, the other a beautiful thank you from one of my new students,she said lovely things  about me,and about our love, which amazed me, as she did not know you, and hardly knows me, yet picked up on that, and she says our love has inspired her. I am so...

Hello darling. I have just come back from lovely walk in the park, and I stopped at yours and dad's tree to say hello and have a wee hug with you both. Yesterday was leap day , actually it was not I have recently heard that leap day is in fact February 24th. Anyway I decided to do something on the day that I have been meaning to do for a while, and that would make the day memorable. I went to Ilkley in honour of my Uncle Hughie, and it is a beautiful place, lovely sandstone buildings, still has lovely wee shops, and beautiful back drop of the hills and the river Wharf running through it. Max ,Andrew;s friend, met me there and she took me to have a look round her house, which is lovely and she has great plans to restore it and extend it. We went to the Cow and the Calf, which is a high spot looking over the town and the hills, it was great, if rather windy, I felt quite emotional, even as I arrived in the station, thinking of uncle Hughie, and of course auntie Isa, I am ...