A Continuation of Reflections

Hello darling. where are you my love ? wish I could see you ,talk to you ,take your advice. This week Johnny came and we had a very emotional day looking at your things- clothes writings possessions of all kinds. Johnny looks well he has lost some weight and it suits him- we were both sad yet comforted by being together talking about you- remember many things about your time in Marie Curie his visits- our regular contact.We both miss it. Johnny has taken everything with him- he had to borrow a case- he had two cases and two shoulder bags--by the time we had done the packing- we did not feel too much like having lunch- we had a little soup and it was time for the cab to come and whisk him away. When the train puled out I felt sad and that I had made a mistake- I was being dis- loyal to you by not keeping everything. crazy I know- but grief is crazy- or magical thinking as I like to call it. For the first time since you left us- I asked Andrew and Lucy to come round for a gl...

Hello darling John yesterday was not an easy day for me- it was the five month anniversary of your death-I sorely miss you- I have been in quite a good space since I recovered from the leaving of Philip- relatively calm and getting on with things- but early last week I felt quite ill a bad dose of the cold and a sore throat then a sore ear-- I lay low most of the week- because I was running a workshop at Fact- and I did the workshop and it went well- but I felt awful afterwards- so weak and fragile- tearful- missed you wanted you to make me a cuppa-make my supper give me a hug...be in the same room feel your presence. I felt awful all the next day when I was supposed to be doing things with Lucy join in light night- but I just felt ill and weak all day- I finally met Andrew and Lucy at The Tate about 8.00 PM after walking to Princes Avenue before I got a cab...it was worth going I was so happy to spend a few hours with A&L even though Andrew was not 100% himself.We had some wi...

Your perfect job is bodyguard! You're a good judge of people, trustworthy and loyal. As a bodyguard, you could be wonderful at ensuring safety! You analyze every situation quickly and thoroughly, and you can recognize in a heartbeat if you're dealing with a friend or a foe. You know that a bodyguard doesn't only have to have strength, but also brains and an eye for the crucial details. In seemingly hopeless situations, you always have a solution ready. And your clients know that they can always count on you. You should really become a bodyguard!

Your Scottish name is Ailsa! Ailsa is a girl's name of Norse origin that means "Island of Alfsigr", but also refers to an islet at the mouth of the River Clyde. In turn, "Alfsigr" stands for "elf" or "magical victory."

Hello John I am home now- I enjoyed my visit to Glasgow and as ever I am glad to be home again. I met Anita yesterday at The Bluecoat- she said that I looked better than she has seen me for a long time which made me feel better- I know I have looked drawn a lot of the time and my eyes look sad and sore. She thinks I have turned a corner-I hope so- when I came home the other night- It was the first time that I came in from a few days away- and did not cry- I looked at your pictures and your writing and your things- and I felt a little stronger. I am perpetually tired more tired that I feel I ought to be-- but then I remember grief is exhausting - I have not slept well the last two nights-- so feel more tired today. I am still expecting to hear a date for when Johnny and Penny are coming- I would like them to come now and take what they want to take- it feels it is time to say good bye to your clothes and papers- the ones that I don't want to keep. Especially as we are so...

Dear John I am sitting on the bed at Sandra's the wind in howling round the house and it is pouring with rain so a typical bank holiday weekend. It has been a very emotional time here in Glasgow . Marie and I spent a long evening talking about you the other evening which was lovely - Matthew came in later and we chatted about our memories too - I enjoyed my time with them as ever. When I got to Sandra's we were both shattered but we took her charges to the park and collected some children from school - we had some fun with them  before they left for home and Sandra finished for the weekend- Harry made a lovely salmon dish which we enjoyed and Sandra and I had an early night - next day we both had massages much needed in my case then Jackie picked us up and we went for pizza in Byres Road had a good catch up then we went to see Far from the Madding Crowd - which we all enjoyed but would not rave about it .  Yesterday Sandra  and I went out with Julie to look at wedding ...