The Visit complicated feeling of love!

At first, a sense of dread,
the thought of it
the memories of the last time,
and the time before.


So selfish ME ME ME
His needs and wants dominate.

Then I remember "He is MY Father"
I remember how much he sacrificed for me ( and never ever mentioned it)
so that I could have my good life.

I look forward to his visit now,
I see him at the airport,
older looking now ,from his illness this year.
Does he notice how I look,does he know I was ill, still am ill?

he comes he demands,he looks old sometimes
he gets so angry at life
people ,politicians, actors, TV DVDs

No music , no theatre, no poetry,

not even cinema! "the pictures"

Life has to be his way,it is what he needs to do .

My needs disappear when he is around. I feel angry, hurt, sad
I want to tell him how it is for me,but I don't
he is just trying to survive.

And when he leaves.

My heart is broken.